Are you your ideal gay partner’s ideal gay partner?

01 Feb

Obviously one of the very first things we ask at Vida is for clients to describe their ideal gay partner. We ask about lifestyle - are you an indoors or outdoorsy type of person? Do you enjoy country or city living? Do you want children? How important is extended family to you? Where do you see yourself and your partner in five years, ten years, retirement? - but sometimes there is a disconnect between what someone is looking for, and their own preferences.

The Future road sign

Balance is important when seeking out your ideal gay partner. It’s good to have someone who challenges you, and expands your horizons, but it’s no good if you don’t want the same things.

Sometimes when we imagine our ideal partner we take ourselves out of the equation. We might imagine skiing down the French Alps and dinner parties with fabulous friends, long days hiking and camping, spending time together under the stars – but then you remember that you don’t actually enjoy doing those things and that’s a fun dream, but isn’t actually what you want your future to look like. It’s like looking at furniture catalogues, or design and style moodboards on the internet. You might see something lovely, but you don’t necessarily want it in your own home.

Start with yourself. Start with how you’d like to spend your life if you had to live it with your best friend instead of a partner. Put yourself first in the picture of your future. Remember that you, too, are a smart, attractive long-term partner that someone is looking for.

How to do it:

Once you have a clear picture of what you, yourself are seeking, then imagine who would best fit into that picture with you. Forget their physical appearance – of course physical chemistry is important but for the time being focus on their core personality. Who is the ideal person who would fit into your ideal world?

At our core we are creatures of habit. We are who we are and we like what we like. Small habits are changeable, but core personality isn’t so readily altered.

So when considering your future we suggest the first approach – start from the beginning, start with your own dreams, and build from there. If you picture it, it will come. In this case we hope ‘it’ will be a handsome, professional, gay man.


by Jacqueline Burns

Head of Gay and Lesbian Matchmaking

Vida’s Head of Gay and Lesbian Matchmaking- Jacqueline’s academic research into homosexual relationships and her ongoing application of psychology has made her an integral member of the Vida team, and a reputed matchmaker, since joining the business in 2012. Her speciality is gay matchmaking London. With a genuine interest in people that is evident on first meeting, and a quiet intelligence that instantly puts clients at ease, Jacqueline is widely regarded as an expert in her field and has an impressive track record of matching her clients successfully.More by this author