MONEY CAN’T BUY YOU LOVE

13 Oct

Money certainly can buy a lot of things, but love is not one of them. So how do we step away from the material and form deep and meaningful relationships?

Who wants to be a millionaire? Who wants to marry a millionaire? How much money we have or perceive that we have can have a direct psychological influence on what we want and don’t want in a partner. Psychologist Mary Gresham in Atlanta noted that in cultures that highly value having a lot of money, this will be taken into account when searching for a mate. But it should be noted that they are doing this specifically because of their culture not because of how they feel.

An experiment was undertaken in China to gauge how people respond to money and how it influences them when it comes to finding a romantic partner. Interestingly when men were prepped to feel that they had more money, they suddenly became less satisfied with their current partner’s physical appearance. Whereas men who were prepped to feel they had the same or less money than they had, felt little or no difference about their view of how attractive their partner was. Conversely women did not seem to be influenced in their view of the attractiveness of their male partner whether they had the same money or more.

The net result of this is that what people look for in a mate is shaped through human evolution to maximize the opportunities for reproduction and survival. So if you have more in terms of resources that allows you a better deal in life, would you use this to leverage finding a more attractive partner? Someone beautiful, handsome, with all the potential in the world may not have been dealt the hand of opportunity in life in the same way you have. Are they up for consideration in the love stakes?

Is love linked to material things? Is a person who can buy more beautiful clothes or live in a prestigious neighborhood in an exceptional home, more appealing? The likely honest answer is yes, or is it? The answer to this question will be different for everyone, and of course you really want to marry into or be in a relationship in a socio-economic environment that is familiar. People move up and down this scale in life, and most people don’t want to dramatically down grade.

That said, does your view on this preclude you from the opportunity for a long term relationship? A person who has the means to engage a professional matchmaker is likely to be successful. Does that make them more appealing? Not automatically. Having material things is certainly an attractive proposition in terms of security and comfort. But who we are as individuals when the trappings of material wealth are stripped back, reveal who we really are at the core. It could be said that you could live in a shack with someone who you love madly, and for a time that might be true, but for how long?

Wealthy or of modest means, the fundamental emotional needs of human beings is always the same, we need to be loved. Money can enhance a relationship because it gives you choices. But it can also be a subject that ultimately brings out the true colors in people. Wealth and possessions may be impressive, but your personality and kindness can be even more so. Materials things are the surface, love runs deeper.

A professional matchmaker can work with anyone to find a long term life partner, and in this relationship you’re not buying love, that’s ultimately up to you. Your matchmaker is the expert in creating the opportunities for you with the right people in a compatible demographic. Real love will not be prevented by the amount you have or don’t have, but it’s the wealth you have in your heart, mind and spirit that will make another person want to commit for richer or poorer in sickness and in health.

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by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & Managing Director

Rachel Vida MacLynn – Vida’s Founder and Managing Director – is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation. Rachel also sits on the Board of Advisors for the Matchmaking Institute.More by this author