Monogamy in the World of Gay Dating, Could It Be Growing?

07 Dec

Is monogamy a dying concept? Or is it a generational factor? Perhaps younger gay men find it easier to come out, and therefore meet someone and start relationships the traditional way, from puberty. Whereas the elder generation may struggle more due to prejudices growing up.

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A study entitled  “Choices: Perspectives of Younger Gay Men on Monogamy, Non-monogamy and Marriage,” was posted on Queerty has showed that 90% of the gay men surveyed were seeking monogamy. A similar study done by Northwestern University in 2013 showed much the same thing. While the gay male community has never been known for its monogamous practices it seems that the tide has turned in the favour of those looking for a long-term partnership. It seems to be very much a generational gap – older gay men still tend towards non-monogamy while younger men are more interested in focusing their love and passion on one particular person. Agreed!

Perhaps the legalization of gay marriage and civil partnerships changed the conversation, opening up life paths that were previously unavailable to gay people. An article in OUT quoted Adam Isaiah Green, who studies gay male relationships at the University of Toronto.

“No longer society’s default sexual outlaws, they’re presented with institutional opportunities to create intimate lives that are not too different from their heterosexual counterparts. They’re also adopting children more. These factors don’t in and of themselves equate with monogamous practices, but they’re probably correlated. Certainly they present a very different backdrop against which younger gay men may imagine their opportunities.”

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Certainly the heartwarming pictures of couples in their 80s who had been together for 60 years showed younger gay men that long lasting love was a possibility not often discussed in the community. Or perhaps in uncertain economic and political times we seek something stable; a reliable partner who supports us and loves us no matter what. No definitive study has been done on the subject, so at this point the reasons behind this cultural shift are unknown, but shift it has.

This change is good news for gay men looking for a long term partnership but the key difficultly remains in how to find those single, attractive, professional men and ascertain compatibility. Clubs, bars, and apps like Grindr offer limitless possibilities for those seeking a less permanent connection but dating websites aren’t nearly as successful for LGBT clients as they are for their straight counterparts. The rise of traditional matchmaker has offered monogamous gay men new avenues to find what they’re looking for. And, as it turns out, there are a lot more fish in the big gay sea than previously thought.

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by Jacqueline Burns

Head of Gay and Lesbian Matchmaking

Vida’s Head of Gay and Lesbian Matchmaking- Jacqueline’s academic research into homosexual relationships and her ongoing application of psychology has made her an integral member of the Vida team, and a reputed matchmaker, since joining the business in 2012. Her speciality is gay matchmaking London. With a genuine interest in people that is evident on first meeting, and a quiet intelligence that instantly puts clients at ease, Jacqueline is widely regarded as an expert in her field and has an impressive track record of matching her clients successfully.More by this author