Over Forty and Looking for Love?

17 Jul

If you’re over forty and looking for love, there are likely to be some obstacles that hold you back from being whisked off your feet like in the good old days, when you didn't have a care in the world.

Walking Date

Some of you may be divorced with kids. The rest of you may have been living a rich single life, with the occasional romantic dalliance and are now facing a true test on your ability to compromise and share. Whatever your personal and emotional circumstances are, male or female, putting some structure and planning into making your dreams come true might sound incredibly unromantic, but it gives you the best chance of success, not to mention making you feel empowered as you go through the journey of looking for love.
Where are the over forty’s likely to find the ideal partner? What are the social options; given that single women and men in this age bracket often drop off the invitation radar when everyone else has a partner? Do your friends say they don’t know any single men or women to introduce you to as their network seems to all either be in a relationship or married?
Here are 6 top tips on looking for love for the over forties.

1: Work out what you want

This is a crucial step that if done properly, will catapult you towards finding your ideal match. At forty and above, you likely have a fairly rigid set of core values. But can you articulate what these are? Is your idea of the perfect partner a melange of past partners morphed into a more ideal version of what you want? Has your emotional experience of pain, hurt, regret or relationship failures clouded your judgement and expectations? Working with a professional matchmaker, relationship psychologist, or dating coach will help you to understand the science behind compatibility, assess your core values, and review your previous relationships; then using this information put together an accurate profile of your ideal partner. Once this is defined, you are in the best position to recognise Mr or Mrs Right, when they come along.

2: Invest in Yourself

To achieve success when you are looking for love, you need to feel good in yourself. You may have lost your confidence and wonder if someone will find you physically attractive now that you may not have the body you had at 25 and 30. This is not a good starting point for finding a healthy and happy relationship. Exercise and healthy living are obvious steps to take, but there is more you can do. Mindfulness is all the rage at the moment. Buy yourself a book on this topic or get enrolled on a course. Invest in a life coach, or personal shopper who can give you an image overhaul. It’s no wonder that so many people find greater success in a second marriage or a relationship later in life! So all you need to do is make sure you are feeling and looking wonderful. The next question is, where to find that second chance at love…?

3: Be proactive with your search.

Your friend’s valiant attempts to introduce you to the veritable catch at a dinner party may have left you feeling awkward and obligated when you had no interest in the first place. Thankfully, the 21st Century has brought us a plethora of ways to find a partner beyond relying on friends or chance encounters. Niche dating sites have a target audience; so, if you select properly, this may prove more fruitful that one of the big household names. Professional matchmaking services are becoming increasingly popular and respected by erudite and established attractive professionals who appreciate the expert assistance and the short cut to viable relationships. Working with a seasoned matchmaking professional is a wonderful and personal experience of talking about your ideal partner confidentially and privately, then having a series of introductions to hand-picked, compatible matches.

4: Enjoy the Journey!

Finding a partner is not an exact science, even if you do follow my advice above. There are hundreds of variables in both people’s lives that need to slot neatly into place, some of which shift on a daily basis. It is up to you to control your mindset and set your expectations. Only the lucky few find someone straight-off with little or no effort. For the rest of us, it takes time, patience, continuous learning and reflection and a darned good sense of humour!

5: Sustain the Relationship.

Once you have met someone incredible and you have transitioned into a relationship, don’t think that’s the job done. Relationships, especially in the modern world require effort, compromise, understanding and sacrifice. The more you recognise and understand the differences between how you and your partner think and feel, the more you can adjust your own behaviour and vice versa and evolve into a fulfilling, content, life partnership.

6. Seek different social circles.

Someone may say if you always turn right, then take a chance and turn left. What have you got to lose? Vida8 curate amazing social events for attractive, interesting and erudite single people. Events take place in great places and are designed to create an environment in which the conversation flows easily with zero pressure. Instead of attending a dinner party “set up”, you can attend a Vida8 event in a terrific social setting and potentially meet a romantic partner with no pressure to do so. New people, new places, you never know what might happen. At the very least some new friends, and potentially someone to love. It’s called putting talent (you) in the way of opportunity.

Now that you have some key ideas on how to approach your search, now is the time to put things into action. You never know, this time next year you could be reading with your new life partner sitting by your side. Get in touch to complete value profiling with one of our matchmakers!

Tags:

by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation. Rachel also sits on the Board of Advisors for the Matchmaking Institute.More by this author