Alone in the City: The Metropolis and your Love Life

19 Dec

The dating scene can be tough – and, when you’re living in a big city, it can be especially difficult.

Silhouetted shot of a young businesswoman looking at a cityscape from an office window

The dating scene can be tough – and, when you’re living in a big city, it can be especially difficult.

To some extent, it’s inevitable. A city is a hub for people from all over the country – and beyond – who are out to succeed, to excel, to seek their fortune. People aren’t moving there to fall in love. On the contrary, many people who call the city home are too busy forging their way forward in their own respective competitive fields (all the while trying to squeeze in a decent workout and some semblance of meaningful human interaction) to have time to focus on something equally – if not more – important: their love lives.

The consequence of such a lifestyle is obvious: more than ever before, city-goers are lonely. Individuals in cities around the globe are reporting increased levels of loneliness – to the point where it has even been cited as a public health problem. The heightened popularity of the so-called gig economy, in which people work from home on zero-hours contracts, and more generally a new zeitgeist of individualism and reduced human interaction as the world moves ever more online, have seen a decline in the number of relationships being formed in the majority of the world’s major metropoles in the past decade alone.

A huge proportion of city-goers are already in relationships – with their careers. They work, they eat, they sleep – they repeat. Many such individuals don’t work to live, as such – they live to work. Whether this is by choice or whether this comes about precisely because they are single might not always be clear, but the end result is the same: loneliness.

It can be especially difficult to feel lonely when living in a city. As you stroll anonymously through the bustling, milling passers-by, each of them absorbed in their own world, it’s easy to stop and wonder at just how on earth you can possibly be single when you are surrounded by literally millions of people, of whom surely at least half are not spoken for, romantically speaking. But then, when you step back and really think, cities are hubs of soloists – sociable soloists, but soloists nonetheless. For many, the answer is simple: online dating. It’s easy to understand why city-goers flock to online dating. Dating apps connect you with fellow singletons who are conveniently ordered by GPS location and can create a façade of intimacy, but, ultimately, there is no substitute for that real human connection.

So, what can you do to combat this? What steps can you actively take, today, right now, to help yourself?

One thing’s for sure: love won’t come to you. We all love a good romantic film or novel, where serendipity takes the reins and creates that perfect, anecdote-worthy spontaneous meeting in a bookshop/coffee house/bar – but, realistically, this kind of encounter will generally remain within the realm of fiction. That said, simply putting yourself out there can do wonders for your love life. Join a society, a club, a sports team; do voluntary work; immerse yourself in whatever truly drives you, where you’ll meet likeminded people with whom you will likely share much common ground and who will have the same amount of enthusiasm as you. You might just be amazed at how regularly you find yourself having truly special encounters with potential love interests – except you, not fate, created the opportunity for them.

There is always an alternative, too. Matchmaking can be considered the polar opposite of online dating. Matchmaking is personable, warm; your matchmaker gets to know you as an individual and what you want, need, desire, what you value and what you ultimately aspire to in a relationship.

At The Vida Consultancy, our matchmakers personally scour our extensive, exclusive network of some of the world’s most exceptional singletons in accordance with your search criteria, handpicking only those potential matches whose principles most closely complement your own. We understand that the city can be a lonely place to be, but we are here to guide you, support you through the trials and tribulations of the dating scene, and find you your ultimate match. So what are you waiting for? Get in touch today – fall in love tomorrow.


by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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