A life in love: lessons from a career in matchmaking

13 Sep

Matchmaking is more than a career: my team and I have the power in our hands to revolutionise our clients’ lives beyond recognition. For over seven years now, The Vida Consultancy has been drawing together some of the world’s most exceptional singletons and finding them love amongst one another.

I often get asked about my career in matchmaking. I never intended to become a matchmaker. For many years, I was worked as a psychologist. Then, one fateful day, I saw an advertisement for a psychologist position at a matchmaking company. My life was never the same again.

Cut to a few years later to 2011, when I founded my own matchmaking agency. For over seven years now, The Vida Consultancy has been drawing together some of the world’s most exceptional singletons and finding them love amongst one another.

Matchmaking is more than a career: my team and I have the power in our hands to revolutionise our clients’ lives beyond recognition. Numerous studies have shown that the single most significant factor in a person’s lifelong happiness is having shared that life with someone they love. A long-term relationship even adds years to your life expectancy! In fact, one of the biggest regrets invariably cited by the elderly is not finding that one special love; or, finding it, but not pursuing it. Perhaps they didn’t have the courage to tell that person how they truly felt until it was too late. Such interviews can be heart-breaking to read, but from them it is our duty to learn – and live accordingly.

As you might expect, then, I have picked up a few hard-won lessons about life as I’ve traversed the bumpy road of matchmaking. Some lessons are fairly intuitive; others can be harder to take – but that’s life – and, indeed, that is love.

Values

There is a longstanding myth in the industry of love, as well as in the world at large: opposites attract. The idea is that the love between two radically dissimilar people transcends their differences and they live happily ever after. This is a common motif in cinema, and it begs the question: isn’t it the love that truly matters? Well, yes, it is – but that love doesn’t come about by magic. It comes from, amongst other things, shared values.

At The Vida Consultancy, our psychology-led and assessment-based character profiling rigorously analyses which of our members hold core values that most precisely complement those of our client. You simply cannot share a life with someone with whom you do not agree on fundamental parts of your outlook on life, whether they be related to religion, wellbeing, money, children, politics – the list goes on. What do they care about? What is truly important to them? At Vida, our outstanding 85% success rate is testament to the fact that matching people based on their shared values is an unavoidable factor if love is to blossom between two people.

Overthinking the first date

The first date can be a nerve-wracking experience. You’re dressed to impress, looking great in your best, but your head is a mess. Will they like me? Will they think I’m boring? What if I drink too much because I’m so nervous? To all these things, I say – relax.

Your date will be just as nervous as you, even if they don’t show it. More importantly, they have come on this date for a reason. For someone to plan an evening around meeting and getting to know you, you must have already made an impression. Be yourself. Not only is it easier to relax if you’re not trying to uphold a façade, they will also see the real you – and if they begin to fall for you, you can be safe in the knowledge that it’s because they truly like you, not an idealised image you’re projecting. Keep conversation light on the first date – no polarising topics, such as religion or politics, and nothing heavy, such as past relationships or kids. These things need to come later, after you’ve established that vital chemistry required to underpin any relationship.

Premature exclusivity

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, so goes the saying. It holds just as true in regards to love. If you and your new romantic interest have hit it off, eureka, that’s fantastic! But hold your horses – don’t let yourself get carried away.

If the two of you become exclusive too early on in the relationship, you may not have taken enough time getting to know each other in a variety of contexts. Without this experience, you can’t necessarily be sure that your values truly align. It can be so easy to let the whirlwind of romance sweep you off your feet and to believe you’ve found your Happily Ever After – but be cool. Be considered. Get to know how your partner deals with adversity, how they treat others around them, how they live in the day-to-day. Plus, seeing other people early on gives you the most accurate yardstick by which you can measure the real quality of the relationship.

These lessons are but the tip of the iceberg – I could write a book on the unique window on life a decade as an elite matchmaker has afforded me. But to reiterate my earlier point, the one take-home message is this: a deep, meaningful, true, authentic and intimate relationship with a person you love is the single greatest way of improving your life (and theirs!) beyond measure. At The Vida Consultancy, our team of expert matchmakers understand this. Our enviable network of exceptional singletons spans the entire globe, all of them are ready and waiting to meet that special someone. If you’re looking for love, why not get in touch today? Let us at Vida weave our magic and find you the love of your life.

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by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation. Rachel also sits on the Board of Advisors for the Matchmaking Institute.More by this author