Dating in your thirties: Crucial things that you need to know!

28 May

How do you approach the love game in your thirties? Have the rules changed, or do you need a crash course to survive? Here are some essential things, that you need to know while looking for love at this stage of life.

Beautiful young couple dating in their thirties and enjoying picnic time on the sunset. They drinking tea and sitting in a meadow leaning against a old fashioned car.

Going from your twenties to your thirties comes with things that everyone can appreciate – knowledge, experience, memories and a general appreciation for making it so far, without too many hiccups. But for some also comes the panic and worry about being single. It sometimes feels like you might as well have a sticker on your forehead reading past expiration date. Tough luck buttercup.

But there are the people who are brave enough to stand alone. The ones that won’t accept a relationship for the sake of convenience. The ones who want to be with that special someone, that they feel they can’t live without. They are willing to pay the price of being single at an age where settling down becomes a given amongst friends, and expected by others, and is widely expected by society.

You might have been single on and off for several years, or you might have left a long-term relationship behind that was great for your twenties. Whatever the case, starting to date in such a defining decade can be scary. In your thirties, you are supposed to have the adult thing figured out, whilst still drinking one too many tequilas at the weekend!

So, the question is, how do you approach the love game in your thirties? Have the rules changed, or do you need a crash course to survive? Here are some essential things, that you need to know while looking for love at this stage of life.

Learn to love and accept the place you are in right now

Being in your thirties, you have so many opportunities in life that you absolutely should take advantage of. Being able to love the space you’re in will make the process of love and dating feel easy and fun. Take that trip to Ibiza that you have been dreaming of. Move to another city, or take up old hobbies that you forgot made you feel fantastic. Being kind and loving towards yourself only makes you more attractive to your future partner, and you will look back and feel like the time flew by like a breeze.

Stop detached dating and learn to create a real connection

If you feel that you’re in a time pinch, it might be tempting to go on as many different dates as possible. It’s all about the numbers game, right? Well, not really. If you’re not being selective with who you are going out with, and mostly dating for the sake of having company and validation, it’s going to wear on you after a little while. If you’re online dating, take the time to get the know the person and maybe even have a phone call before you meet. This way you might be able to sort through some of the men, who you are not compatible with long-term. But it’s also for your own good. Dating is a vulnerable process where you open yourself up to the other person. You might be rejected, or you might reject others. But you must be able to walk the line if you want to find the one. And you don’t want to spread yourself too thin while doing this. So, take your time because this is a marathon, not a race. You’ll be grateful in the end.

Don’t give in to the pressure

As women, there is an obvious biological factor when it comes up when dating in your thirties. With men, there might be a stigma attached to dating in your thirties. Why hasn’t he been snatched up yet? What could possibly be wrong with him? These are some of the hurdles that one faces while dating in this new market. But no matter how often your Auntie asks you about your dating life, do not give in to the social pressure of being with a partner for the sake of not being alone. You are building the foundation of your love life and when choosing a partner, you want to have the right person by your side. This can take some time and effort. So, don’t confuse your being single with your worth. With or without a partner, you are enough. You just have to remind yourself that you will be fine regardless of your relationship circumstances.

Set actions and escape out of your comfort-zone

Obviously, the people who you were attracted to in your twenties, didn’t work out too well for you. Long flowing hair and washboard abs are just not cutting it anymore. This is the perfect opportunity to date different types of people. You might think you know what you want, but that doesn’t mean knowing what you need. Go on dates with people who you might not have considered before. Think back to people that you met in the past. Maybe there is someone that you’ve already met, that might be a great date? Anyway, it’s just about trying.

There is no getting around it. Dating in your thirties is going to be a new experience for you. You might stumble a few times but picking yourself right back up is the key. And remember, for every frog that you kiss, you’re getting one step closer to the person, who is out there looking for you too.

Get in touch today if you are looking for any further tips or advice on all things love and dating in your thirties!

by Anne Ellekjaer

Assistant matchmaker

Anne was born and raised in Denmark, graduating with a BSc from The University of Edinburgh and an MA in Psychology from Copenhagen University. Anne specialised in working with transformation in both individuals and couples throughout her career. She worked as an Assistant Matchmaker with The Vida Consultancy for several months, where she focused on the psychology of the successful matchmaking process. While being exceptionally direct and confident, she finds common ground with people using her warm and positive nature. She is now looking to further specialize her career with a PhD in psychology, within the field of intimate relationships.More by this author