What’s the deal breaker for you when it comes to a long term relationship? Could you articulate this, or have you already drawn up your list? Interestingly, woman tend to focus more on the negative traits of a man than they do the positives, with one or two evident negatives qualities making a potential suitor a complete no. The deal breakers for you is a significant question to ask and respond to with complete honesty, especially when having an in depth discussion with a qualified matchmaker.
Does this mean that men are less discriminating than women when it comes to deal breakers? You may be surprised to learn that both men and women may be initially drawn to physical qualities, but reality eventually wins out when it comes to true compatibility and longevity in a relationship. Gregory Webster of the University of Florida notes “We have a general tendency to attend more closely to negative information than we do to positive information”. Is it possible that if this is our modus operandi then we are potentially letting opportunity pass us by when seeking a mate?
A study of personality and social psychology reveals the top deal breakers for long relationships as follows:
- Anger issues or abusive
- Currently dating multiple partners
- Already in a relationship or married
- Has health issues or STD’s (sexually transmitted disease)
- Has an alcohol or drug problem
- Is inattentive or uncaring
- Has poor hygiene
- Is bad in bed
- Is unattractive
- Does not take care of themselves
- Is racist or bigoted
- Differing religious beliefs
- Limited social status
- Differing relationship goals
Clearly some of these are going to be rigidly in black and white as a complete no for some people. But is there wiggle room when it comes to relationship goals, or limited social status? It’s not unusual for someone to have a fixed idea in their mind of exactly what kind of person they want to be with. However, have you ever found yourself developing a crush or feeling an attraction to someone who may not have at first caught your attention, but their confidence and personality just win you over?
Your personal deal breakers from the list above may actually be your natural instincts serving as a survival function. What you are ultimately doing is weeding out people with undesirable traits from your pool of eligible mates. You could easily compromise when it comes to short term relationships, but that’s when you may allow instant visual attraction to override your own deal breakers through lack of knowledge or bypassing the courting, dating, and getting to know you phase of human interaction.
It’s important not to confuse how you evaluate friendships in the same way that you do romantic relationships. Dishonesty tends to consistently be a deal breaker in all human relationships. Age will also vary your deal breakers. Some people mature earlier on in life and their outlook on what they desire in a relationship is grounded. It underlines why many relationships do not always survive the change in people’s values and desires as they get older and life experience has expanded their field of vision, knowledge, and personal needs. Consequently, this is why it’s important to be honest with your matchmaker and vice versa. Your matchmaker may encourage you to try meeting someone who has one of your long list of deal breakers, because they examine both parties without bias and only with the intention of introducing a potential match.
A seasoned, qualified and experienced matchmaker is there to help navigate this minefield with one aim in mind, to find you a mate that does not come with a list of your deal breakers.
You need not look any further, we are here to advise and help on all matters love and dating, so get in touch!