By Julia Atlasova
When looking for a life partner we often make the greatest mistake of all time; we begin a ‘man’-hunt and explicitly scrutinise every potential candidate for marriage suitability, hoping that he will respond to our desires and deliver in the only expected way.
Unfortunately, not every date can flower into a meaningful relationship and before jumping to any conclusions, we have to slow down, breathe out and get to know the person who was enthusiastic enough to find the time in his busy schedule to plan a lovely dinner in a newly opened gastro pub on the other side of the town ….or take us to listen to an impromptu jam session of his favourite jazz band. Our obsessive consumerist approach and narrow-minded thinking can significantly reduce the chances of meeting the right person. By picturing him as our potential life partner in the perfect wedding photograph or counting bedrooms in a charming countryside dream home on the first date, we subliminally affect his ability and willingness to open up and show his true self.
Give him and most importantly yourself some time! Let it go, sit back, laugh and relax. Let him talk without examining how he moves or if he uses enough long words to tick the intelligence-box. Set him free and don’t wait for the complements, promises or proposals; you can’t realistically expect someone to drop on one knee and stick a diamond on that finger after a few hours of knowing each other – viola, Mr Life Partner has arrived!
Discover his true personality and appreciate if you can laugh together. Switch off the evaluating machine and let the connection commence. Don’t play by any rules, don’t listen to your friends’ last minute advice, don’t pull on a mask to act like a perfect girl. By being someone else, you risk ending up with a wrong person.
Don’t rush into things, allow him to talk about what he likes: sport, art, leisure pursuits or a latest film he watched in a cinema. Trust me, it will be a pleasant surprise how much you can enjoy an evening together. Become friends before becoming an item, spend a weekend by a river, visit a gallery, play tennis or experience something entirely new for both of you. Two people can create an amazing future when they share values, insights and interests, not a bed or a bank account. Give it a go and best of luck!
Julia is a Siberian born snowboarder, freelance journalist and a military psychologist who is unconditionally and unconsciously in love with St. Petersburg and settled in fabulous London. A free spirit wandering around the world wondering whether people exist in the illusion of love or love hides in a sacred corner of every heart waiting for the right time to let us live.