Can Your Dream Partner Become a Reality?

26 Feb

Who is your dream partner? What defines them? What characteristics do they possess – what personality traits? And what do your answers to those questions say about you? Is your ideal partner maybe even just that – an ideal, not a reality?

Who is your dream partner?

You’d be hard pressed to find a couple who couldn’t find imperfections in one another (whether or not they’d admit them aloud!), but on the whole we simply learn to live with, even love, these foibles – it’s part of their identity. It’s often part and parcel of a couple’s meet cute anecdote to summarise with something along the lines of, “I never thought I’d end up with a guy/girl who…”, followed by any manner of unexpected character traits, be it their partner’s chosen career, dietary requirements or menagerie of exotic reptiles housed in their bedroom.

Physical attractiveness in a partner

The rise of online dating has shown to have increased the importance people ascribe to physical attractiveness in a potential partner – probably because online dating increases the perception of a vast array of single individuals from which we can choose. This heightens people’s standards – but sometimes to an unmanageable, unrealistic level. This is in stark contrast to the physical preferences of people who do not use online dating, which remain at a baseline.

Women sitting by window with city view and using laptop

Research has thrown up some surprises in terms of what we look for in a potential partner’s personality, too. One study showed that participants’ stated personality trait preferences had a great influence on how much they anticipated they would like a potential partner, based on that person’s profile – and yet, after meeting face-to-face, these stated preferences had very little bearing whatsoever. This raises the intriguing possibility that even traits we consider essential in a partner may not matter nearly as much as we believe they will. In fact, believing our partner to possess positive personality characteristics – even if they do not believe that they possess them themselves – can actually cause them to emulate these traits in the long run. Research shows that a form of self-fulfilling prophecy can occur if we believe our partner to be a ‘better’ person than they think they are themselves. For example, if we believe them to be kind and thoughtful, we may unconsciously behave in such ways towards them as to elicit such reciprocal behaviours from them in the long term.

No-one is perfect, and part of being in a truly loving partnership is accepting your partner’s flaws and understanding how they only make that person all the more beautiful. Nevertheless, it is only natural that partners are going to have varying attitudes, beliefs and opinions regarding a great many different areas of life. It is therefore crucial to the health of the relationship that each party understands the other’s stance and accommodates it as best they can. It is important not to avoid the issues at hand, but to instead communicate and solve problems caused by your differences together – as a team.

Here at The Vida Consultancy, we believe that the key to any strong, long-term, loving relationship is sharing deep-rooted values. We get to know every single one of our members, and have a proven knack for understanding intuitively who would be a perfect match for whom. Do both of you want to start a family, or does only one of you? What are your religious views, your politics? How do you like to spend your free time? You can’t always know someone’s true character or aspirations until the relationship has already become long-term – and it is at this point that friction can occur. If the abovementioned research proves anything, it is this: follow your instinct. But, furthermore – there is much to be said for acquiring the help of professionals in the industry of love who can help you shape and understand that instinct.

At The Vida Consultancy, we vet every one of our members fully, getting to understand in depth their hopes and dreams, before setting them up with people who hold similar values. Being paired with such a complementary match helps you both avoid potentially clashes down the line. To this end, using a matchmaking service sets you well on the road towards being part of a truly happy, satisfied, loving couple – and to being one another’s dream partner after all.

by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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