Is Date Coaching for Me?

21 Jan

We all have our own unique coping mechanisms to deal with the various pressures, but sometimes they can actually weaken over time. Our resilience reduces and we find ourselves struggling to cope. This can also extend to our dating lives. But how can you tell if you could do with some date coaching?

Loving couple at coffee house having coffee and chatting

Struggling on a daily basis can become so normalized that you forget it doesn’t have to be that way.

Life is loaded with pressures, whether from family, work, love, finances or health. We all have our own unique coping mechanisms to deal with the various pressures, but sometimes they can actually weaken us over time. Our resilience reduces and we find ourselves struggling to cope. This can also extend to our dating lives.

The problems that inevitably arise from the infinitely complex forces governing our lives can be too great to handle alone. Many people, though, refuse to seek help.

As the in-house relationship psychologist and date coach at elite international dating agency The Vida Consultancy, I work closely with clients who have decided the time is right for them to seek professional help for those pent-up issues, problems that can crack even the sturdiest of minds.

But how can you know if it’s time for you yourself to see a date coach? Today, I delve a little further into precisely how you can tell if you’re ready to take the next step.

Why do people seek date coaching?

Date coaching focuses on the dating process from ‘not dating at all’ to ‘I have been seeing someone for a year, but we haven’t said the L-word or talked about the future’. Date coaching can address issues such as your unconscious blocks (I will only date this type) and blind-spots (I am always in the friend zone, but not sure why) to confidence (what to say and do, when) and sense checking (am I doing the best I can).

Online dating

Many people have turned to online dating, and plenty do a bad job of setting up an efficient profile. Date coaching can review and optimise how you go about online dating, from which sites, to which photos and ‘blurbs’ to put up.

First dates

Date coaching can focus on how to get them and what to do and say on first dates. Depending on the coach you have, you may cover things such as what to look out for (i.e. red flags), what to say and how to best ‘covert’ your first date into a second one. Date coaching can also help give you ideas around what to do if you don’t like your date and how to say ‘no thanks’ should your date want to see you again.

Offline dating

Sometimes you want to know what to do ‘offline’. Perhaps you wonder why people never approach you when you are out, or why you struggle to strike up a conversation with someone. How does one even go about that? Date coaching can answer these questions, and also highlight signals to look out for and what do to when out. How do I give my number out to someone without appearing creepy?

 Relationship issues

Whether it’s poor communication with your partner, a struggle with intimacy or an inability to find constructive ways to cope with your romantic issues, a date coach can help you see the bigger picture and understand what changes you can effect in order to help both yourself and your partner. Perhaps it could be how to have ‘the exclusivity talk’ or even how do I break up with someone?

Date Stress and fatigue

Date coaching can help you bounce back after an emotionally charged dating episode and enable you to re-establish your wellbeing. When your coping skills become overwhelmed by a particularly intense event (for example ghosting or infidelity), you may feel tense, defeated and unable to help yourself. Accumulated stress can lead to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression, but talking things through with a coach may help you recognize not only the main triggers but also constructive ways to deal with them.

Low self-esteem

Little confidence in yourself can lead to a pernicious, self-sabotaging mindset, a negative outlook on life and an inability to recognize and seize opportunities that present themselves to you. Date coaching can help you reevaluate what you have going for you and enhance your mental fortitude.

Am I weak for asking for help?

It’s a pretty common theme. People who have spent years upon years putting up barriers in order to protect themselves often think that suddenly showing what they perceive to be insecurity or vulnerability makes them weak and signals to their peers that they’re not coping. This mindset only serves to isolate such people further, though.

Therapy or coaching is equivalent to finding a doctor because you’ve broken a bone. It’s also not exclusively for people who suffer from issues — far from it, in fact. You can seek help because you need someone to listen to you without judgment, guide you in solving problems positively and help you improve your overall wellbeing.

Why do I need a therapist if I can talk to friends and family?

No-one’s denying that support from friends and family is utterly invaluable — but sometimes you just need a totally objective, neutral sounding board to bounce your innermost worries off. Your relationship with your date coach is private, confidential and conducive to discussing topics that can be off-limits with your loved ones. Plus they may have some idea up their sleeve that can help you see things in a different light or give you the confidence to try something different.

Vida can help

If dating is becoming overwhelming and things just keep on getting on top of you, there’s no need to go through it alone. The Vida Consultancy is far more than an elite international dating agency; we also help singletons and people in relationships alike with both their love lives and their general mental wellbeing. I myself have over 15 years’ experience helping people work through their relationship issues, and can help you develop and grow as a person, understand your own boundaries and triggers and implement strategies for dealing with those day-to-day anxieties and dating frustrations. Get in touch with Vida today.

by Madeleine Mason Roantree

Psychologist

Madeleine has over 15 years of experience in psychology, where she is trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Applied Positive Psychology. She is currently undertaking a PhD in Counselling Psychology, and is member of the British Psychological Society, the International Positive Psychology Association & Dating Industry Professionals Network.More by this author

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