Is Technology the Object of your Attention?

03 Jun

Is being in love with your smart phone smart? Will you find true love and romance on that tiny screen? It does happen, but let’s face it, we all know it’s a love lottery and few are the jackpot winners. Maybe it’s time to switch off and reinvent the art of conversation without a device coming between you and paying real attention to a real person. 

Mobile phone full of small portrait photos. Concept of social networking.

Technology in relationships: Is media like a pet or another person in your relationship? I’m sometimes stunned when I gaze around a lovely café having brunch at the weekend, only to observe couples and friends all gazing into their mobile devices scrolling, tapping, and staring with gaping attention at their little screens. Only too often do I hear concerns that couples evenings are spent with their head in their phones/laptops and feel that they are losing the intimacy that conversation over dinner brings.

Whatever happened to the art of conversation or even a lovely note-card written with a fountain pen? Am I insane, old fashioned or morphing into Jane Austen?

Social media and other technology devices like laptops, iPad, televisions and the like can form a giant barrier in a relationship. They can incite jealousy and irritation when they become the obsessive object of your attention. What is your real life attention span, or are you wandering the streets gazing into your mobile using other human forms ahead of you as a homing beacon that prevents you from walking into oncoming traffic or street signs? Are you missing the world around you and consequently the interactions with other people.

If you’re a millennial reading this, you may be scoffing at what has essentially been typical of your upbringing, that you enjoy and is very much part of your day to day life and communication with others. Understood, but a little tip from a matchmaker, the very act of spending the majority of your time connecting with people online can often lead to missed adventures and opportunities to connect in life and ironically can leave people feeling lonely, if they don’t get their next media fix. Having said this, technology and social media definitely have their uses, it’s all about balance and moderation and using it to your advantage without missing out on experiences in the world, get out there and have something to talk about when you are online. Share on Instagram and Facebook by all means, in fact that could be the best romantic route to take.

Sharing media can be a great way to really bond. If you both have a love for things techy then embrace technology in relationships! Researchers quizzed young people who were in long term relationships about their involvement in media vs real life social life. Those who spent the same time on media together found that the physical benefits increased when shared. For instance if you both have a passion for the same box set, then snuggling up on the couch together is a brilliant idea. You’ll both be enthused about the media and more likely to talk to each other about it when “offline” so to speak.

If you share then there is a perception or a feeling of being closer and as a result you can feel more confident in your relationship, rather than a dreaded sense of isolation. Psychologists also recognize that sharing media helps also build a shared social identity and a sense of belonging. Watching and reading together can also pull you closer together if your social circles are a little different.7 signs your date is going well

Sharing experiences and comments on social media can help you stay connected as a couple. Issues arise when someone is being secretive and individual in the technology space as it can create feelings of jealousy and mistrust. It’s important to take care about what you say online or by text too. Abbreviated expressions or careless throw away remarks may be simple and thoughtless in composition and can demean or erode trust if not carefully managed.

Agree on technology down time, go for a walk, watch a movie, and binge on a box set. Once it seemed futuristic that all homes would have a computer and here we are. Like everything, we need to adapt and use it to our advantage and relationships are no different, we need to be open and transparent online as we would with our aspects in our life and not be browsing in isolation.

Having things in common is a basic starting point for relationships romantic or otherwise. Imagine if Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility were re-written throwing in snapchat, Facebook and twitter?  It’s bound to appear in mainstream cinemas at any moment with much hilarity, but in the meantime as a Matchmaker who wants you to find love that succeeds with a long battery life, be mindful of time spent on technology and your partners time – does it correlate? Share your media with your partner and you’ll share your love. Read our blog here on how psychology and technology are helping people find love.


At Vida, we know the value of your time. Our unique psychology-led compatibility profiling allows us to get a deeper understanding of your ideal partner based on what you value most in life. We put in the groundwork, get the ball rolling behind the scenes – saving you time for the good stuff. Our 85% success rate speaks for itself, and our expertise is second to none. And don’t just take our word for it – why not read what previous happy clients have said about us?

Why not be our next success story? Get in touch today – fall in love tomorrow.

by Lynsey Wilson

Director of Client Services

Lynsey was born and raised in Scotland, graduating from The University of Aberdeen with an MA in Psychology in 2009. For just over a decade, Lynsey worked in social research within either an academic or non profit context. Throughout her career, her main drive and passion has been working with people and gaining an understanding of what drives them. This, along with her friendly and open nature, makes Lynsey a natural Matchmaker. Lynsey is based in the London office and primarily works with both London and European based clients.More by this author

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