Is Your Date Into You?

03 May

When we are on that first date, the anxiety can fly high, a mix of trepidation and excitement. "Will they find me attractive?" "Will there be a spark?" "Is this the one?"
Mainly people just want to know whether their date is into them. It's to reduce the anxiety. I often get asked “How can I tell on a first date that my date fancies me?” It’s a tricky question.

first date with a potential future life partner

Firstly, your date might not fancy you – yet. They might not fancy you until date number three or four. Secondly, if they did fancy you, they might be too scared to show you for fear of rejection (and worry that you don’t fancy them). Lastly, just because someone fancies you, doesn’t mean they want a long-term relationship with you. These are just some of the things worth considering before trying to decipher your dates actions.

So while you really want to know whether someone fancies you, bear the above in mind. No two dates or relationships are the same and there is no set way they have to start out.

Having said that though, a good first date is often a good sign. I always think if the first date as a chemistry test… Is there enough chemistry between the two of you to warrant a second date. If the person fancies you enough, they will show you over time. Initially here is a list of things that would indicate they fancy you; but again, just because they don’t display these does not mean there is not a budding relationship on the cards.

  1.  They look you in the eye when they speak
  2.  They smile a lot
  3.  They seem excited or happy
  4.  They sit/stand within your personal space (considered by experts to be in the region of 15-45 cms away from you)
  5.  They make an effort to ensure you are having a good time
  6.  They may touch you, on your hand, knee, arm, or small of your back
  7.  They are keen to see you again

The best indicator of whether someone really fancies you is how they are over time. So even if the first date starts off a bit rocky, if they demonstrate ‘the list’ over the next few dates, you can be sure they are into you. Your next step is to fine out A) whether you fancy them back and B) what that face means, as in, whether you both want the same thing (fling, hook-up, marriage).

Perhaps also note whether you do these things. Are you giving off signals of ‘interest’? Perhaps you can help your date reveal their level of attraction for you, by showing your attraction to them also.

Otherwise, breathe. It’s just a first date. Enjoy it for what it is.

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by Madeleine Mason Roantree

Psychologist

Madeleine has over 15 years of experience in psychology, where she is trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Applied Positive Psychology. She is currently undertaking a PhD in Counselling Psychology, and is member of the British Psychological Society, the International Positive Psychology Association & Dating Industry Professionals Network.More by this author

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