Psychologist and relationship expert Rachel MacLynn shares her advice on how to get the most out of dating, your love life and truly understanding yourself and your partner.
Are you and your partner having endless arguments? Has your relationship hit a ‘love plateau’ or are your expectations simply too high? Relationship guru and psychologist Rachel MacLynn from The Vida Consultancy writes for Heart 96-107 and shares her advice, tips and tricks to get the best out of your love life.
1 – Don’t Be Selfish Make Your Partner Happy
“The key to relationship happiness is focusing on making your partner happy.”, says Rachel “You can go a step further by working out how to make him or her happy. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that giving someone gifts is the key to their heart. Sometimes the simplest gesture of actually telling your partner why you love them has a far greater success. Don’t assume – find out!”
2 – ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me’ – Learn To Love Yourself
Love yourself if you want your partner’s love to stay strong. You shouldn’t demand that your loved one runs around trying to please you in order to keep the relationship strong. Their energy will soon be sapped and resentment will kick in. Take responsibility of your own happiness by doing the things that make you happy. Your internal well being will radiate onto your partner who will in turn radiate positivity back to you.
3 – No More Excuses! Get Off Your Phone And Make Time For Each Other!
Time poor? Then sign off Facebook and Twitter, and you’ll see how much time you have left for your partner! “There are 168 hours in a week. How many of them do you invest in your relationship?” asks Rachel “Don’t wait for an issue or a problem to be your wake up call, instead remind yourself that your relationship is the foundation of happiness in the rest of your life, so it shouldn’t take a back seat.”
4 – It’s Good To Look Back At Your Past! Remind Yourself Of When You Fell In Love With Your Partner
“What made it all so exciting and special?” says MacLynn “Wasn’t it when you were being spontaneous and making an effort with your appearance and paying compliments?”
5 – Women Are From Venus…Men Are From Mars. Learn About How The Other Sex’s Mind Works
“Men need ‘cave time’ and are solution oriented. Women need to talk…oh boy do women need to talk!” Rachel says “Men, you need to listen up and be patient as women need to express their emotions. Women, you must not think men are other women and want to listen to you forever!
6 – Fess Up! Tell Your Partner What Makes You Happy In Bed
“Does he or she do something during the horizontal mamba that drives you crazy, in the bad sense? Listen to your inner voice and if you want your partner to seduce you a bit more before going gung-ho, then try telling them that in a positive way.”, advises MacLynn.
7 – Sort It Out! Find Solutions To Your Problems
“If you find yourself in a rut of endless arguments, rather than complain all the time, sit down like adults and ask yourselves how you can overcome your problems.” says the expert. “Accept that there will always be compromise involved. You simply can’t have it your way all the time.”
8 – Try Something New! Be Spontaneous And Break The Routine
“Relationships can be dull. Yes you heard it, DULL!” admits Rachel, refreshingly. “Dull because you can read each other’s minds so conversation is optional. You know that couple in a restaurant who doesn’t talk? You probably do the same thing pretty much most of the time! It’s time to be spontaneous and break the routine. If you want to keep a relationship alive and current you have to make an effort. Start by putting that first date spontaneity back into the mix. It works wonders.”
9 – Think About Your Language And Conversation
“Is your conversation and vocabulary positive or negative? Is your tone biting, cutting or dismissive?” ponder MacLynn “Think about about your language and conversation. Are they littered with ‘you never’, ‘you don’t’, ‘I hate’? You can influence how both you and your partner feel by allowing positive words to dominate. Use ‘I love’, ‘that’s brilliant’, ‘what would be better’, ‘thank you for doing that’…”
10 – Learn To Say Sorry… And Mean It!
“Most arguments with both people saying they are sorry. But here’s the tip: fast track the conversation to that point and save yourself the aggro by saying sorry sooner rather than later. You’d be amazed how well this works.” concludes the expert.
Ready to take the challenge?