New Dating Lingo – Part 2!

08 Jan

Just as you are getting familiar ‘ghosting’ , ‘benching’, ‘breadcrumbing’ and ‘cuffing season’, can you believe there are more terms that have been coined that are related to poor dating behaviour?

Alert! There is new dating lingo to be aware of! You may remember an earlier post in which we covered the latest dating terminologies. Just as you are getting familiar ‘ghosting’ , ‘benching’, ‘breadcrumbing’ and ‘cuffing season’, can you believe there are more terms that have been coined that are related to poor dating behaviour?

If you are dating outside of Vida, that is, meeting people through events, networking or online dating, it might be a good idea to start the year knowing what else to look out for (and avoid).

As with the last post, theses terminologies do not reflect a new breed of bad dating behaviour as such, but rather identified patterns of dating that someone has decided to coin. As dating has become more prolific and exchanging notes more common, we like to create short-hand helpful words to describe our experiences. So ‘we were chatting for ages, exchanged loads of photos and talked about meeting up and then I never heard back, it’s been three weeks now’ becomes ‘yea, I was ghosted’.

So what else should we be looking out for when hitting the dating scene?

Sneating, Firedooring, Submarining, ‘Hump & Dump’ (or ‘Dick & Dash’) and Curving.

Sneating is when someone cheats themselves to a free meal. They have no intention of dating you, they just want to be able to order the most expensive items on the menu and let you pay for it. Typically they have little to say on the date and can be somewhat unengaging.

Firedooring is a one-way thing; Just like a fire door has one-way access. People who firedoor don’t engage actively in pursuing you unless it’s to their interest and convenience, so they will only communicate with you when they want something – validation, sex, free meal?

Hump & Dump, well as the name implies, is essentially when someone dates you only to dump you as soon as you have slept together. Again they never had any intention of dating you long-term, but come across as if they did. While one-night stands between consenting adults is fine, Dick & Dash or Hump & Dump, implies ghosting the unsuspecting victim of love.

Submarining. It seems to be a mix of Ghosting and Zombying, that is, when someone you are dating (or thought you were dating) suddenly disappears (ghosts you) and returns out the blue some time later (zombying). Who the authority is on the nuances of the meaning of these terms is, I am not sure.

Curving is an interesting one. It’s a subtle brush off, and leaves you somewhat unsure about whether the person is interested in you. They are not fully ghosting you (going AWOL), but they lack any agency and motivation to actually see you. So a curver will reply to your messages, but they will be bland, delayed and uninteresting. The ‘oh sorry just saw this’ reply to your message about meeting up. There is no response to your question and no follow up, just the equivalent of  limp handshake. After a few of such response, hopefully you get the picture that they are not interested in you.

In fact, any of the above behaviours reflect someone who has other things going on in their lives, and you are not one of them. You may even have been guilty of doing them yourself. The trick is not to take it personally, and to be on the alert when you set out to date…unless of course you are using Vida. Your matchmaker keeps an eye out for these things and the collaboration between you and your matchmaker will ensure you know where you stand.

 

If you are seeing someone and you feel unsure whether you are dating someone genuine, perhaps see me for some date coaching – you don’t have to be a Vida client. Email me here – info@thevidaconsultancy.com

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by Madeleine Mason Roantree

Psychologist

Madeleine has over 15 years of experience in psychology, where she is trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Applied Positive Psychology. She is currently undertaking a PhD in Counselling Psychology, and is member of the British Psychological Society, the International Positive Psychology Association & Dating Industry Professionals Network.More by this author

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