Proactive Dating: How to Take Ownership of Your Love Life

24 Sep

It’s a cliché but it’s true: nothing’s going to be handed to you on a plate. Nothing comes to you if you don’t get off your backside and actively seek it out – and love and romance are no different.

Young couple in love holding hands and walking through a park on a sunny autumn day

It’s a cliché but it’s true: nothing’s going to be handed to you on a plate. It’s time for proactive dating. Nothing comes to you if you don’t get off your backside and actively seek it out – and love and romance are no different.

As a matchmaker, people come to me from all kinds of background, for a variety of reasons, but one thing they all have in common is that, try as they might, they’re simply not meeting people who are right for them. It might be that their values don’t align, or that they aren’t attracted to the people they’re meeting, or that they simply don’t feel these people are of a certain calibre.

Now sure, love and romance are beautiful, mysterious things, and no-one likes a quirky meet-cute story like a matchmaker! – but at the end of the day, you’ve got to help yourself if you want to find love. You’ve got to put yourself out there and accept responsibility when it comes to finding a life partner. There is so much you can be doing if you have the motivation (and perhaps a little helping hand from a love professional).

Online dating

Online dating has its place. As a matchmaker, I can say without exaggeration that it has fundamentally changed the entire dating scene as we know it. It’s now easier than ever before to meet people from all walks of life, individuals you may well be interested in dating but whom you’d have never met in ‘real life’. This could be either because you’re both too busy to sit night after night in a bar or you just live really far apart.

The challenge with online dating, though, is knowing where to draw the line. After all, you might click with someone truly incredible – but what’s to say that if you hadn’t kept swiping a little longer through Tinder that you wouldn’t have met someone even better? And no-one likes to think that they’ve ‘settled’, so you can experience a bit of a conundrum.

What’s more, whilst it’s exciting to have the opportunity to meet loads of interesting, dynamic, attractive strangers, the two of you don’t have the social context of having known each other for a long time. You’re simply two singletons meeting in a bar, hoping things go well. And sometimes they will – but sometimes, the chemistry just won’t be there.

There are, of course, lots of more traditional, ‘old school’ ways of meeting people.

Getting out there

If you’re actively looking for love, it can often feel like you’re the only singleton in the entire world – especially when all your friends are coupling up and getting cosy. However, 51% of Londoners describe themselves as single – so where are all these mythical single people lurking? And how can you go about meeting them? It’s time for proactive dating.

To begin with, you need to own your love life by considering what you want to get out of it. What do you want to achieve? A long-term relationship? A couple of dates and some fun but nothing more? Marriage and kids, the whole caboodle? By identifying what you want before you get out on the scene, you equip yourself with a much stronger and more resolute mindset of whom you want to meet – and the results will be evident. You’ll save yourself a lot of time by not pursuing flaky people only intent on messing you about, and instead home on in that handful of amazing individuals who share your values and want what you want. The next step is finding them.

Identify what it is that you’re truly passionate about in life. Is it work, a hobby, exercise, charity, volunteering? By giving this some thought, you can then begin to research groups or communities you can join where you’re very likely to meet likeminded individuals. This means you’ll already have lots of common ground, and sparks may well fly.

There is a third option, too.

The magic of matchmaking

A matchmaker is a savvy investment to say the least. Innumerable studies over the past few decades have demonstrated that there is no single greater key to happiness than a lifelong, profoundly meaningful romantic relationship. A matchmaker is your key to finding just that. They know every client inside out, their whims, desires, values, principles, idiosyncrasies – and what’s more, they know who’s perfect for you.

The Vida Consultancy is an elite, multi-award-winning international introductions agency, with a network of exceptional singletons spanning the entire globe. Our services are second to none. And what’s more, if you aren’t ready to take the matchmaking plunge but would nevertheless appreciate some professional love advice, our brand new service will surely change your entire approach to the dating scene.

Your Dating Blueprint

Your Dating Blueprint is the new and exclusive Vida Consultancy service, brought to you by our own in-house relationship psychologist and dating coach, Madeleine Mason Roantree.

Successful dating requires insight, expertise, proactivity, learning – and a positive outlook. Your Dating Blueprint is a 2-hour intensive consultation, combining coaching with expert advice. Learn the skills that have led Vida to creating literally hundreds of happy couples. Gain clarity on exactly whom you are looking for – and why.

To book your consultation, email Madeleine today or get in touch with The Vida Consultancy to find out how our intensive consultation can change your love life forever. Your Dating Blueprint will make your dream partner a reality.

by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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