Successful in Life – Unsuccessful in Love

23 May

You’re a high flyer. You’ve got the world at your feet. You dazzle everyone you meet. But behind closed doors, are you as happy as you feel you should be, with a life that, at least on the surface, is going so amazingly well?

Modern man reading book while sitting in grey armchair in trendy interior with plants

Do you find yourself excelling in most areas of your life? Do you consider yourself to be successful in life but unsuccessful in love?

As a professional matchmaker at an elite international matchmaking consultancy, an extremely common theme I find in our members is that the very traits that see them ascend to the top of the ladder can be the exact same traits that sees the success of their romantic relationships plummet.

Your love life is not a job

Successful professionals become that way because they have mastered what they know and how to utilise that knowledge. They are experts at solving problems, making decisions, implementing actions. But the mindset required for nurturing a romantic relationship is so far removed from the mindset of the successful professional that some individuals struggle to even know where to begin when trying to make changes. A loving partner wants to connect with you on a fundamental, human level – the zeroes on the end of your paycheck are far from their first priority.

At work, you need to see your job as a series of challenges to be engaged with and conquered. You are paid handsomely, highly valued, rewarded accordingly, because you take on obstacles with proficiency and courage. Continuing this mindset in your love life, though, can lead to issues. Even if you’ve settled down and built a home together, the issues won’t just go away. Sure, you can stop that leaky faucet, see to it that the window cleaner’s booked in for the next 12 months, ensured the car insurance is taken care of – but if you can’t attend to your partner’s emotional needs then, in many senses, little else matters. Sometimes, maintaining the professional mindset in this way not only won’t cut it but may actually make matters worse.

How might the ‘career’ mindset manifest in your love life?

Silhouetted shot of a young businesswoman looking at a cityscape from an office window

In my time as a matchmaker, I have picked up on a number of themes shared by many of our clients, all of them successful in life but unsuccessful in love and in need of a pick-me-up when it comes to dating. What do they have in common – and do these apply to you?

1) Approaching problems with strategy and clear objectives in mind, rather than engaging emotionally with your partner and being truly present with them.

2) Expecting ‘good results’, when emotional and romantic issues are some of the trickiest you’ll ever encounter and seldom have easy fixes.

3) Having a fixed idea of the perfect ‘outcome’: if you’re single but have an idealised mental image of that special someone you’d like to meet, the chances are you’ll never be satisfied, no matter whom you meet and how compatible they actually are.

4) Trying to be efficient with time, when emotional and romantic issues desperately deserve time to be engaged with, talked through and considered at length by both of you.

5) Equating financial success with any other kind of success when, in reality, relationships rarely work this way. True love is seldom contingent on you bringing home an arbitrarily impressive paycheck.

Seeing your relationship as nothing more than a series of compartmentalized factors to be dealt with individually means you’ll never escape your own headspace and get into that of your spouse. They will never know your heart if you don’t let them in. ‘Fine,’ you may say – ‘But arguments, complaints, unhappiness – they can all be fixed with rational discussion, clear agreement, logical planning. Right?’

Rarely. Issues in your love life, whether you’re single, unsuccessful in love or in a long-term relationship, stem from a lack of awareness not only of your partner but of yourself. Stop being a technician – be a listener. Don’t be a troubleshooter – be a lover.

There’s more to life than a successful career

Innumerable studies have shown time and again that the single most consistent factor in a long and happy life, is a profoundly loving, long-term romantic relationship.


Here at The Vida Consultancy, our members are attractive, dynamic, exceptional singletons who are truly incredible at what they do – and are all ready to settle down and build a life with that someone special. We have developed our unique compatibility profiling session, in which, together with our client, we discuss what they truly desire in a relationship and what kind of person they dream of settling down with; click here to read our blog on how shared values lead to successful relationships.

You’ve spent your entire life investing in your education, your career – so why not your love life? Get in touch today – fall in love tomorrow.

by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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