Unconscious Bias in Dating

05 Jan

Does unconscious bias get in the way of your finding someone? Having a fixed idea, a bias about who we think we should be with, could be blocking our path to success in finding someone to love.

Couple is lying on the bed and making heart with their hands, unconscious bias

“What’s your type?” I’m sure you have heard that said many times in chat about dating. In the fairy tales like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, a beautiful but low socioeconomic heroine is romantically rescued by a handsome Prince. Hence “I’ve kissed a lot of frogs looking for my Prince”. Men likewise may be in search of the ideal beautiful princess as their ultimate goal. Without knowing it, do you in your idealised version of type inadvertently suffer from Unconscious Bias?

Dr Candice Nicole Hargons, Director of the Center for Healing Racial Trauma defines unconscious bias as “the way our socialization makes us see people of a different race, class, gender, or any other identity, sometimes without realizing it”. Is your ideal type based on a list of requirements and does a good match have a basis in something else? At Vida, the foundation of our expertise is in the psychology of a good relationship. Because of this, our team of expert matchmakers can introduce you to a person you didn’t know or realise could be the perfect match. The big question is; does unconscious bias get in the way of you finding someone?

In this respect, we are not necessarily talking about specifically about race, but having a fixed idea, a bias about who we think we should be with, blocking our path to success in finding someone to love.

Dr Pragya Agarwal, a behavioural scientist and author of SWAY: Unravelling Unconscious Bias says that ‘we have biases or prejudices that we may not always be aware of that affect how we interact with others’. Internalised stereotypes affecting how we perceive others who do not fit within a certain stereotype or ‘ideal’.

In the best rom coms, the clever screen writer understands that his protagonist (the hero or heroine) is usually perceived as the worst match, the annoying person – while we the audience can see all the potential and can wait for the moment of realisation. The audience revels as they see the story unfold, along with the potential partner slowly discovering that love was there right under their nose the whole time.

The issue with dating apps is that they work on the basis of algorithms based on who you have liked or dislike, your bio and other factors. The perfect match doesn’t exist in this space, but the apps can lead you to believe it does and in the process without any solid real dates with real potential, it’s ultimately a potentially depressing experience.

Our team of relationship experts, listen carefully to our clients who are seeking a serious and committed relationship. They want to know what is on your wish list, but their level of enquiry in a confidential space is to really get to know how you tick and what sort of person would ultimately be compatible. The intention is to side step your potential unconscious bias about who, and introduce you to like-minded people you may possibly overlook or not consider. We do the leg work, and you just need to bring your authentic, unique self to the date and let the magic unfold. Don’t let unconscious bias get in the way of your success, make 2021 the year you become a Vida client and see romantic possibilities from a different perspective.

by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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