Valentine’s Day: A Matchmaker’s Guide on How to Be Alone, But Not Lonely

05 Feb

One of the biggest dates in the matchmaker’s calendar is returning once again, streaming in its wake a flurry of flowers, confectionary and cards. For a person who is living their life as a singleton but yearning for someone to share their life with, it can be difficult...

Almost half the population of the UK participate in Valentine’s Day in one way or another, be it sending a bouquet, a box of chocolates or a greetings card, or going out for a meal. Across the country, £2 billion is spent on loved ones (or yet-to-be-loved ones). Valentine’s Day is one of the biggest annual holidays, and its cultural and commercial presence is hard to ignore.

I am in the business of finding people love, but my advice to those feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day is not necessarily to just get yourself to a matchmaker faster than you can say “two dozen red roses”. Rather, I have some tips on how to be happy and content just being with yourself. You may be alone when the big day arrives, sure – but you need not be lonely.

Celebrate love in all its forms

Historically, the celebration of the life of St. Valentine had no romantic connotations until the time of Chaucer. Why not take encouragement from this and think about all the people in your life you love, whom you might sometimes overlook or not make time for? Spend an evening with friends or family catching up, reminiscing, and just reminding them how much they mean to you. Think of whom you truly cherish, and reach out to connect with them. Remind yourself of the love that people have for you, and you for them. You could even reach out to strangers, perhaps those who have no-one at all on Valentine’s Day. Even if it’s just a smile on the bus at someone who is looking a little worse-for-wear, keep in mind the words of the Rev. John Watson: ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.’

Treat yourself

Whilst some people may be out treating their significant others, take some time to remember that you deserve to be treated as much as the next person. If you’re out shopping and see that that incredible vintage coat you’ve been eying for weeks has been reduced, don’t walk on by – whip out the plastic! There is no harm in treating yourself to something you really want, and it could do you the world of good when you are surrounded by merchandise that might be reminding you of your singledom.

Embrace your inner cynic

At the end of the day, it’s worth bearing in mind that Valentine’s Day is a commercialised appropriation of a long-forgotten historical tradition, based in consumerism and capitalist gain. Being surrounded by pink love hearts and honeymoon-period couples pouting hard for that perfect Instagram selfie doesn’t make you any more single, or them any more in love or in a relationship. Will those couples be spending February the 15th doing the same, or will they revert back to their day-to-day? Chances are that it’s the latter. In the meantime, whilst a healthy dose of cynicism might do you good, you could spend Valentine’s Day liberating yourself and your happiness in alternative ways…

Be your best self

Beyond treating yourself, why not use Valentine’s Day as a reason to galvanise your inner self? Why not go to the gym? Whilst that might be the last thing you can be bothered to do when all you can see are couples to the horizon, the sweat and the endorphin rush could be just what you need. You’ll feel more attractive, you’ll feel productive, and you’ll feel more at one with yourself. Go running, go to a fitness class – take along a single friend and feel the burn together! Give your home a solid spring clean – you might be surprised how true the cliché ‘tidy home, tidy mind’ really is. Where others are spending the day ensuring others are happy, focus on revitalising yourself, your environment and your mind.

Embrace single life

Don’t beat yourself up about your singledom: maybe it is simply that, up until now, potential partners just didn’t make the cut. You do not need to change who you are. Feel the liberty of being single, the ability to go anywhere and do anything without feeling tied. Celebrate your own strengths, achievements, character, attractiveness. Enjoy simply being a person who has the space in their heart for another, if and when that person comes along. Rest easy – you are not defined by whether or not you have a romantic partner in your life. That said, you could embrace the spirit of St. Valentine and…

Take proactive steps towards finding a partner

Whilst enjoying your singledom, it is worth remembering that, in its essence, Valentine’s Day is about celebrating something good: love. Love is not a magical concept that is always going to be beyond your reach: those couples you see dining out do not have a secret formula for happiness. They have as many flaws and hardships as you do, and often they met their partner just out of luck. Remember, though – you can create your own luck, or at least enhance that which you already have. Does your job afford you the ability to work remotely? Go out to a local coffee shop rather than sitting at home on your own. Valentine’s Day abounds with singles’ events – why not go along with a single friend and have a great evening out? Alternatively, make a pact with your friend that, starting now, you’ll have weekly updates (over a bottle of wine, of course) on how you are both faring in the world of dating. Manage your expectations: rather than proclaiming, “I want to be engaged within three years”, or “I want a boy/girlfriend within six months”, break those expectations down into smaller, more manageable chunks: “I want to go on one date per month”, for example.

If you find yourself still in need of a little extra help, this is where we come in. By hiring a professional matchmaker, you outsource part of the process of meeting someone, just as you may outsource your physical wellbeing to a personal trainer, to someone who does it for a living, and who has a knack for understanding the nuances (and foibles) of every individual on their books, and therefore who would fit whom. Why not appeal to the love experts to help you out, instead of waiting for divine intervention?

At The Vida Consultancy, our reviews, relationships and marriages (and occasional babies!) do the talking. We provide clients with a unique approach, combining psychological principles and assessments with character-driven profiling, creating a personable and warm framework in an increasingly cold and impersonal world. A matchmaker is a friend, a concierge, a therapist, a coach, a counsellor, a confidante, a person who can make your dreams come true, a person who can help heal that broken heart, and a person who can find you that special someone like no-one else can.

Want to find out more about how we work? Get in touch today and start your journey towards finding a Valentine of your own.


by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

LinkedIn | The British Psychological Society |