Can confidence turn into bragging?

11 Sep

Confidence is a great attribute to have when it comes to dating, but where is the line between confidence and arrogance and how can you stop yourself from crossing it?

Confidence can be a really attractive quality or a complete turn off. It depends entirely on how that confidence is delivered and the context. In the world of dating, the thought process around this turns immediately to self-confidence. A person who is timid and shy may appear endearing, but in the long run who wants to be with someone that they have to protect and nurture on a daily basis? We need to be partnered with someone who has some level of confidence so that we feel secure and comfortable. If our partner literally needs us to exist, then it is not a balanced relationship.

When you’re dating and getting to know someone how do you demonstrate confidence without straying into the realms of bragging? Confidence can be demonstrated in a willingness to laugh at yourself. Being open, honest and truthful takes confidence, and can be really lovely in a personable and natural conversation. Knowing what you want on a menu rather than nervously posturing because you’re worried that what you say or do will offend or put off your potential suitor is not terribly attractive. Being you takes confidence but when it tips over into bragging it really can sabotage any potential for a relationship.

Over confidence is very close to bragging and can be easy territory to stray into if we feel the desperate need to impress. If you’re trying too hard then your confidence may run away with your mouth and you’ll be bragging before you know it. Bragging about what you may ask? How brilliant your career is. How many countries you have travelled to. What sort of car you drive. How much money you earn. That you will only wear the latest season designer clothes. That you cannot possibly get through the year without being at every important social event of the season. That you have so many Facebook, Twitter or Instagram followers that you’re giving the Kardashians a run for their money. Whatever it is that you blurt out in an attempt to be impressive, you may in fact be digging one more spade of dirt out of the giant dating hole you are about the fall into. If you end up in this territory you might scupper any possibility of romance when at the start it all looked so promising. So keep the confidence in check and use it appropriately and naturally in a way that is attractive and endearing, not a complete dating turn off.

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by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation. Rachel also sits on the Board of Advisors for the Matchmaking Institute.More by this author