How Shared Values Lead to Successful Relationships

19 Nov

Love is the product of the interaction between a myriad of complex forces – of which one prime example is shared values.

As a professional matchmaker at The Vida Consultancy, an international, boutique, award-winning matchmaking agency, I have encountered a longstanding notion within the industry of love that does not always hold true: opposites attract.

The idea is that the love between two radically dissimilar people transcends their differences – and they live happily after. This is a common motif in cinema and fiction in general, and it begs the question: surely it’s the love that ultimately matters most? Well, yes, it is – but love doesn’t just form from nothing. It is the product of the interaction between a myriad of complex forces – of which one prime example is shared values.

Before we delve into our the values held dear by our clients, and the values they desire in a potential partner, it is important for us as matchmakers to have a common understanding of what we really mean by ‘value’. How should we define it – and how does the knowledge benefit us?

One way of defining a value comes from psychologists Suzanne Smith and Raeann Hamon, who wrote in 2012 that values are:

appraisals of what is desirable, worthwhile and proper. Values lend meaning to life and help to shape goals and provide direction.

This resonates with me vividly. As a matchmaking consultancy, our clients come to us on an incredibly personal journey: finding true love. In their search, they require direction, guidance and advice – and understanding what their goals are and how they find purpose in their lives are sure-fire ways of matching them with someone who shares similarly deeply-held attitudes and emotions.

Then we have sociologists Paul Heelas and Paul Morris, who poignantly penned in 1992 that values can be thought of as:

principles that guide behaviour. Values are deep-seated psychological constructs that direct individual preferences and strategies for goal achievement.

This is also entirely true when it comes to the realm of matchmaking. Love is a mysterious beast, subject to the incredibly nuanced idiosyncrasies embedded in every one of us. As a matchmaker, I need an incredibly developed knack for understanding exactly what makes my client tick, then considering every potential match and going over their possible compatibility with the proverbial fine-toothed comb.

When it comes to online dating, individuals might be all too quick in forming an emotional attachment to someone during a rushed courting experience. In comparison, we at The Vida Consultancy follow a tried-and-tested method of matching only those individuals who are seeking a mature, meaningful, long-term relationship, which we accomplish by means of in-depth profiling and sustained contact with our clients through the inevitably tumultuous world of the dating scene.

Do they want children? a client might ask me as they keenly peruse the profile of a potential match. Will they mind that I’ve been married before? Most online platforms simply do not provide this information, which can have the pernicious effect of seeing people get together, only to discover late on a deeply-rooted compatibility issue. These topics are fundamental in what we look for, yet also hard to bring up with a stranger – unless you’ve been put together by a matchmaker, who’s already ensured the two of you are on the same wavelength regarding such matters.

At Vida, we have developed our unique compatibility profiling session, in which, together with our client, we discuss what they truly desire in a relationship and what kind of person they dream of settling down with. And what about their politics, their religion, their hobbies, their career, their family? Do their attitudes towards this multitude of factors meld well with those of their potential match? To understand the high regard we hold shared values in, look no further than psychologists John Gottman and Nan Silver, who found that married couples who have greater agreement on what they consider to be their own deal-breaking values have significantly higher marital satisfaction.

At The Vida Consultancy, our psychology-led and assessment-based character profiling rigorously analyses which of our members hold core values that most precisely complement those of our client. Our outstanding 85% success rate is testament to the fact that matching people based on their shared values is an unavoidable factor if love is to blossom between two people.

If you’re single and looking for love, someone truly special who shares your outlook on life, your hopes and dreams, your sense of humour, look no further than The Vida Consultancy. Get in touch today – fall in love tomorrow.

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by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation. Rachel also sits on the Board of Advisors for the Matchmaking Institute.More by this author

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