Should I End My Relationship?

15 Oct

Realising that your relationship has run its course can be scary and upsetting in equal measure. But how can you know it's the end?

Shot of a young woman in a relationship looking upset after a fight with her husband in the background

Whether your relationship has been rocky since day one or sunshine and rainbows from the get-go, realising that it has run its course and it’s the end can be scary and upsetting in equal measure. Your partner’s been there through good times and bad, physically if not emotionally. You’ve built your entire lives around one another, nurtured your home, perhaps even had children. Yet when you feel that deep, unrelenting ache that things just aren’t right, it’s impossible to shake and impossible to ignore. Time’s up.

…Or is it? How can you know for sure?

To end or not to end. That is the question.

Staying in a relationship that is familiar but stale can feel rewardingly safe but inordinately dissatisfying. Things may have turned platonic; you might be nothing but two automatons rattling around the shell of your home, waiting for any semblance of distraction to grant blessed but short-lived sanctuary from the turmoil of your empty or otherwise decidedly unfulfilling relationship.

At times — most likely those in which you’re halfheartedly attempting to convince yourself that a breakup would be more hassle than it’s worth — you start to think, Maybe this is just what love is. After all, it can’t be champagne, flowers and fireworks day in, day out. You both lead real lives and face real obstacles and challenges, so why would you expect blue skies and clean sailing in your relationship? And if you leave this one, who’s to say that you aren’t actually the problem, and that this will happen all over again come your next relationship?

These are all fair concerns, so let’s look at things from another perspective. Does your partner inspire you? Do they make you feel big, powerful, hungry to be the best you can be, not just for their sake but for your own, too? Do they challenge you to foster a strong, well-informed worldview, a potent sense of self, a yearning to grow on both an intellectual and personal level? Does the very thought of being with them energise you, flood your senses with a vim that would see you do anything to make them happy? Or does your partner drain you, deplete you of your emotional faculties with their negativity, pessimism and bleak outlook on life? Worst of all, do they make you feel more lonely than if you were simply on your own?

It’s understandable, inevitable even, that you would come to second-guess any doubts. As you may sadly come to realise, however, the very reason you’re even questioning the potential longevity of your relationship is because the problems have begun to far outweigh the joys. But whether you can muster the courage and emotional fortitude to end things — that’s another matter altogether.

If your partner frequently disappoints, displeases or dissatisfies you and no aspect of their personality even comes close to making up for their shortcomings — if you find yourself gazing through the ceiling at 3am questioning what you are doing with your life with regard to your relationship — then it could be time to jump ship. On the other hand, though, if the arguments have been severe of late but you fundamentally adore every facet of your partner’s being and respect them unconditionally, don’t let such a precious gem slip from your fingers. If they are there for you come rain or shine, bad times or good, and they come through on their promises time and again, taking on the world as a team sounds a pretty safe bet.

Observe your partner throughout a multitude of situations. How do they respond and adapt to various social, emotional and financial pressures and stressors? Do they remain good-humoured, gracious and strong, even when the tide’s against them? Can you look at your partner and feel no fear at the prospect of spending the rest of your life with them and them alone? A relationship that is doomed to fail and a relationship that just needs a little TLC are worlds apart. Don’t conflate one for the other, lest you end up alone in the violent throes of regret. 

The Vida Consultancy are an elite global dating consultancy based in London. Our network of exceptional singletons are ready to settle down with someone special. That’s why we focus exclusively on cultivating long-term and meaningful relationships between some of the world’s most amazing people. Get in touch today and let us set you on the path to meeting that special someone with whom you can envisage building a home, a life and a future.

by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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